Today’s Gospel uses a word that we have a hard time understanding when it comes to our family. Jesus admonishes his disciples and tells them that they must “hate” their families. For most of us, this notion is completely foreign.
In order to understand it better, it is important that we have some acquaintance with Middle Eastern culture. The people of the Middle East do not often think of themselves as an individual. They are far more comfortable thinking of themselves as a member of a group. There are several groups to which each of them considers himself or herself a part. Family is one of those groups.
Even the concept of family is different than that of our Western culture. Family for them encompasses far more people than it does for us. While we think in terms of a nuclear family, these people see themselves as part of what we would call an extended family. Family was one of the most important groups to which these people belong. Their past, present, and future is all part of their membership in a family. Their heritage or past is reflected in their memories of their ancestors. Their situation in life or present is defined by their living family members. Their future is tied intimately to the reality of inheritance when a patriarch or elder of the family passes away. Jeopardizing their family relationships would, therefore, be something that they would avoid as much as possible.
The other thing that might help us to understand this saying a little better is the way Middle Easterners consider “love” and “hate.” For the Western World these words are tightly packed with emotional content. We find it difficult to separate the emotion from the word. Such was not the case in the Middle East. Perhaps a closer comparison would be to consider love and hate as loyalty and betrayal. If one loves, one remains faithful or loyal. If one hates, one would abandon or desert the family.
The Gospels make a rather large issue out of the choice Jesus makes of his Twelve Apostles. In reality, Jesus is creating a “family” for himself in choosing these men. Social scientists would refer to this as a “fictive” family. Jesus gathered these men around him because as a Middle Eastern man, he needed to part of a group.
When we put all this information together, it becomes evident that what Jesus is asking of his disciples is that they transfer their loyalty to this fictive family that he has created. It is a bold request; but when we understand that Jesus is asking that we make this our family, we realize that he is not asking us to set aside our natural, emotional feelings for our birth family. Rather, he is asking us to transfer our loyalties to him and to his family. It is necessary for us to leave behind our past, our present and our future in order to follow him more closely. When we do this together, we can call ourselves his disciples.
Fr. Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M., Administrator